I can't remember the last time I wrote or talked about you. I mean really talked about you, in a deeper way, with someone I've known for a while. I can't even remember the last time I really thought of you. I think just now I kinda did because I got overwhelmed with things lately. I miss you, Opa.
How are you up there?
Can't believe it's been almost 11 years since you left. Oh how things have changed a whole lot since you're gone. I hope you don't cry up there seeing us being torn apart. We were never a union anyway. You were the only one trying so hard to bring us together. It's not your fault your efforts didn't get us to where you want us to be. You tried, and that's what mattered. It still does.
As you might probably have known, after you left, your eldest daughter tried to become a leader just like you. But of course inevitable things always happen, right? We never really learned how to survive anyway. Then everything started to drift apart. I couldn't do better, either. I neglected the cousins, my bad. I was scared of not living life the way I did when there was you, so I decided to escape. I shouldn't have done that. There's so much I could've done better, but how could you save the others when you can't save yourself yet? Let's discuss this over once I'm there, shall we?
Things got dark, everyone hating each other, everyone blaming one another, eldest daughter still confused, problems still unsolved. Sometimes I let these things get into my thoughts and let them get my mind exploded. I'm just telling you, it hasn't been easy. Been trying to live my own life, without any interruptions from home. But the thoughts of just abandoning them sometimes keep me up all night. Yet there isn't much I could do....
I'm just telling you, it hasn't been easy. I'm praying everyone's hatred towards each other will somehow subside and that at the very least everyone can live at peace with the others and within themselves.
I might only be writing this because I'm being emotional, but I do miss you. I miss how you made us all (or maybe I only felt for myself) safe and sound. You really did try your best... Going back to the past never is a choice for me because now I see, through all the hurts and pain that keep making me grow, today's the better day. Full of bumpy roads but at least I see hope.
I've said it twice and now it's time you hear the thrice. I miss you. I hope you're doing well up there with Umik. Wish to see you again in my dreams. Let's have a talk there?
With love,
your eldest granddaughter
